Day 28 - Good News and Bad News

So... Which one should I discuss first? Since they are (I think) very closely related, I'll start with the bad news so I can end with the good news. Or good-ish news, depending on how you wanna view it.

But this can't be a long post because I have a stupid debriefing statement to write. I've designed and am going to start conducting my very own undergrad research project. It's pretty exciting but they make you jump through a bunch of hoops and are very picky when it comes to the acceptance process. Just making sure I'm being all ethical and stuff... woo

So today is Tuesday, which means it is my weeeeiighh daaaay. I think I do that every time. Draw out weeeeeiiggghh daaaay. I hope you guys read it in an epic, booming voice. Make it a little dramatic. haha

But first, the bad news. The past... I'd say 15 hours or so, I've been super sick. Not really sick, I guess. I just think I've picked up a stomach bug. And without going into great, icky detail... Whatever goes in, comes out fairly quickly. And I'm not throwing up. I think that sums it up. I'm not sure if it's something I ate or just something I've picked up... But I hope it stops soon. It seems like I'm always having some kind of digestion issues.

Good news! Now that's I've shared such... intimate... information with you all. There is a "silver lining" if you wanna call it that?? I definitely lost weight this week... 5 pounds to be exact.

Last Weight: 210.4

Today's Weight: 205.4

I loss worth celebrating... if I believed it was accurate. I'm willing to bet I gain a little back. Which I am MORE than okay with if it means everything going back to normal. I hate feeling all sickly. Also, I think a 5lb loss in a week is a bit extreme. I'm attributing it to the very empty stomach this morning...

So, unfortunately I have nothing else to add because I have pressing matters to attend to this morning... But I wanted to let you all know about my weigh in! Accountability, and all.

Also... I recently discovered something called PB2. If you haven't heard of it, I recommend checking it out on Amazon. It's powdered peanut butter. You mix it with water if you want peanut butter... but I've been using it in smoothies. It's very tasty, all natural, and has like 85% less calories and a lot less fat than normal peanut butter. It's like 45 calories for 2TBSP and like 1.5g fat. I had a banana PB2 smoothie this morning that was just awesome. Only draw back is I keep burping banana. NOT the best. :-p

Okay! I'm done for now! Everyone go out and have incredible and successful days!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 27 - I Wonder How Long I'll Keep This "Day" Thing Up?

Heeelllloooo everyone!

I have had a really great day off. I usually work on Mondays... but as a result of some "end of the fiscal year cutbacks" they gave me a few less hours than normal and that resulted in an extra day off! I am NOT complaining! I slept till 10, got a TON of running done, made a delicious dinner, and got half my laundry done. Woot.

So in my last post I talked about some decorating I'm doing. I know this isn't related to weight loss or dieting... but I'll get there. I just feel so drab talking about the exact same things everyday. Calories and carbs and sweating and blah blah blah... This is something I'm really excited about and I wanna share.

So our bedroom is all white walls, because we live in an apt and we aren't allowed to do any serious changes. Our bed spread is black, and we have red accent pillows and a red blanket we drape at the bottom. We have black night stands and a black dresser. Then we have 4 red canvas totes we use to hide all of our "stuff". I keep photos and some owners manuals and other random things that wouldn't have a home otherwise (old keychains from my childhood I collected, some fancy hair chopsticks, etc). So basically, it's a black and white room with fun red accents in a few places. Sooo! We have a platform bed and no head board. I decided the wall above our bed (it's a king, so it's a huge area) is way too boring. I searched around for possible decorations... and ultimately decided on taking pictures of things that are red... in a mostly monochromatic environment, or just making the photo B&W except for the red... Then having 3 - 12x12 canvas prints made. And it turned out awesome, I think. We just picked them up today and I haven't talked bf into hanging them yet, but... These are the pictures:

Honestly, I'm not sure I can think of anything more frustrating on this blog than trying to post pictures in an even semi-coherent fashion. AArrgghhh... But, these are the prints. The wine is by far my favorite... and was also the most fun to shoot. But the others are also very neat too. Ummm... They don't necessarily mean anything. Wine, because I am a hardcore wino. Apple because... I always have apples on hand? And I wanna come up with something super clever for the royal flush... Like... love is a gamble and I have been dealt the best possible hand. (; But that's cheesy. hahah Also, please don't mind my messy dresser. It's covered in movies bf and I plan to watch sometime in the next 10 years.

I also wanted to show you guys the healthy meal bf and I created tonight. We just sorta felt like cooking. We did a cracked peppercorn turkey tenderloin in the crockpot all day. Along with some onions and mushrooms. Then we made cauliflower "mashed potatoes" and "creamed" peas. All the while, I was taking a stab at my first batch of apple chips. It was an overall success... Observe...

The dinner was only 265 calories because we made extra, super, amazing healthy choices when creating our "mashed potatoes" and "creamed" peas. Then the apples chips where... okay. From what I gathered, you basically slice the apple super thin, lay on cookie sheet, sprinkle with cinnamon and in my case Truvia, then bake at the lowest setting your oven has for 1.5-2 hours. Well. We joke about our over being a gate to Hell, or how we can't really bake anything because it's like cooking on the surface of the sun.. And it's completely true. Cookies that should take like 10-12 minutes are usually fully cooked and on their way to burnt after like 5 in our oven. My apple chips were done in like 50 minutes solid. It's an old oven and we are pretty sure the thermostat must be broken. Our fridge is similar. Except our fridge gets so cold it freezes our veggies and milk, and our freezer won't stay cold enough to keep ice cream frozen. Oh, the joys of living in a cheap apt during your poor college years. (:

Tomorrow is my weigh in! Today and yesterday were definitely light days, to try and make up for any damage I might have done the two days before that... So I'm not expecting INCREDIBLE things tomorrow morning... but certainly not a gain. Crossing my fingers for a loss tho! *Hopes*

Also, we went running shoe shopping today... We didn't get very far because neither one of us have ever taken up running. So we are total newbs. We are going to give the Couch to 5 K a shot. It sounds like a very promising program. I haven't ran regularly since high school volleyball conditioning. haha I'm not sure what I've gotten myself into... but I think it's important to be active and we have some pretty trails we can run that aren't far from home. Beats paying a bunch for a gym membership!

So definitely more research before we purchase any shoes... if anyone has any running/running shoe advice, please feel free to toss it at me.

Okay, I'm going to do a little elliptical I think and then wash some dishes while bf works on a big paper. This semester has been really laid back as far as HW goes... I shouldn't say that though, because as soon as I do... I'll end up with 15 things due at once.

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 26 - I Haven't Died!

I hate when I go so long without being on here, checking up on my blog, reading other people's blogs, checking the forums, getting inspired, being inspirational (not really - but I'm working on that one).

I just get so busy on the weekends. And if I can fit in work, school, social life, healthy eating and exercise on these days, I just have to accept that something will be sacrificed. And it's usually my computer/TV time.  Oh well!

So, to be completely honest... I haven't actually been as fantastic as I normally am. Generally, I eat between 1200-1350 calories a day. Well! Yesterday friends from out of town came to visit, and we went to Logan's steakhouse. And I HAD to have a roll. I HAD TO. I mean... I didn't have to. But who are we kidding? I had to. So that's a whopping 227 calories! Ahh! Before I even started eating. Luckily though, after one, I reigned in my crazy. But then we had a huge nacho appetizer and that was pretty much all bad too. Long story short... I still managed to finish my day around 211 calories over budget. (My max to lose 2lbs/week is 1511 calories) So yeah. And then the night before I got a wild hair and decided to drink a little. And by a little I mean like... 600 calories worth of Rum/Guinness. I'm a dark beer girl, all the way. Oh, and not together, of course. But I ate like a saint the whole day and ended 24cals over my budget. Not too bad, considering.

Okay... I feel better now that I've confessed all that. haha That's a weird kind of therapy.

Now we'll see if that has any effect on Tuesdaaaaaaaay!

I have also made an official switch from skim milk to almond milk. I'm buying Blue Diamond Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk. I had to go to a Fresh Market to find it because none of the grocery stores close to me had it. But it's very tasty. It's only 40 calories for a whole cup. It has 2carbs and only 3.5g of sugar! If I had to describe it... It'd say it tastes like the milk in the bottom of the bowl after you eat cereal. It's a little sweet and creamy. I like it. It's delicious in coffee and cereal. I haven't used it for much else yet. And bf doesn't seem to mind the change either. Horray!

I bought some strawberries on sale at the fresh market too. Along with some plain Greek yogurt (we use it as a substitute for sour cream), yummy new coffee, raspberries, and a brick of 90% cacao chocolate. I am a huge sucker for chocolate, especially the dark variety. I always read that dark chocolate is high in antioxidants. The reason I got 90% is because it's SO rich, and actually a little too bitter to eat more than a square at a time. So that solves my chocolate craving without sending me into a crazy chocolate binge... followed by a chocolate coma.

Enough about food! I am in super-homemaker-mode right now, so I'm probably going to cut this post a little short. I am currently decorating our bedroom... and without going in to crazy detail... I'm taking photos, editing them, then making 12x12 canvas prints to hang above our bed. I'm confident it'll be really neat when it's finished... but I have a coupon for 50% off the canvas prints and the coupon expires on the 31, which means I have some work to do. I have all but one photo taken and edited. When it's done I'll be sure to post it and let everyone see! (:

I would also just like to say how much I appreciate all the comments and feedback I got on my last post. I was driving myself crazy and you guys really made me stop and realize how silly I was being. I was overreacting for sure. I'll be carb conscious, but I will NOT be stressing myself out like that again. It's just all around bad. I feel better about the skin thing too. So thank you, you're all wonderful (:

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 23 - Things That Are Annoying Me...

Hellooo everybody!

So, I have been getting more and more spam as time goes on. At first, I didn't mind it so much. I just deleted them and went about my business. Now it's staring to bother me. So, I've changed my settings to require commenters to be registered and logged in before they can submit a comment. I didn't really want to do this, but obviously it was what I should have done from the jump. Now... on to other things...

I have a little time between classes so I thought I'd do a little update and talk about some serious concerns I'm having.

So I'm not one to just jump into something without researching the shit out of it. That being said, I spent almost ALL of yesterday reading about nutrition and healthy eating and all  the things that can go wrong when you are losing weight. It's enough to make me go a little crazy... but this is what I gathered.

I'm absolutely convinced I am eating too many carbs. Most places on the great big internets suggest 50 - 100 carbs per day while losing weight and 100 - 150 while maintaining. It also seems the consensus is 40% of your daily calories should come from carbs. So... if I think about this a minute: because each carb = 4 calories, and 100 x 4 = 400. Then 400 should be 40% of my daily calories? So then I should be eating 1000 calories a day? (Since 400 is 40% of 1000, and all). Based on everything I read prior to my obsession with carbs, this isn't enough to prevent my body from going into starvation mode. This is hard. ):

ALSO. I am very concerned about all these carbs (yeah I'm still on that). I looked back at the past week and I've eaten between 140 and 225 carbs EACH DAY. And honestly I don't eat that much. So this says to me... I'm eating the wrong foods. Even though I'm eating things like whole wheat, fruits and veggies, low-fat/no fat dairy, and lean meats???

Also there's the fact that I'm still losing weight despite my massive carb intake. Which lead me to reading about fat loss and it's relation to the types/amounts of foods you're eating. Apparently, when you lose weight, it's often not fat your losing but lean muscle mass and connective tissue. I don't want to lose like 70 pounds then realize only half of that was actually fat and the rest was my lean muscle mass. Because eventually (as in, in the not so distant future) I would like to incorporate some strength training... and I don't want to lose anything I tone and build up.

Which leads me to my NEXT point... I'm super worried about loose skin. I see all these before and after pictures of women around my age, some older some younger, who have lost significant amounts of weight and aren't all loose and flabby. But what if that happens to me? It, of course, wouldn't be the end of the world and I would MUCH prefer have loose skin and healthy than overweight and... well unhealthy?

Honestly all this thinking and reading and researching is stressing me out a little. To summarize, in case you weren't a champ and didn't read that whole thing (kudos if you did)... I have no idea how many carbs I should be eating and how to implement that into my daily diet, losing lean muscle mass rather than fat, and saggy lose skin when I do eventually reach my weight loss goal.

I would love to visit a dietitian. No. I want a dietitian of my own. To live in my pocket. And whisper to me what to eat and what to put down. But really... Does anyone have this stuff figured out?

I'm all frazzled now... I'm going to try and get my mind on other things... like, maybe psychology or statistics! woo!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 21 - I Think I'm Really Doing It This Time.

So I forgot my iPhone on the kitchen bar this morning. It's a sad thing, but I feel like I left my head on the bar. Or maybe my left foot. I feel like I'm missing some huge part of my body. Oh well! I will get through... Only 6 more hours till we are reunited. Oh my god. SIX HOURS??? ...moving on.

Today was my weeeeeigh daaaaay. And I have more good news to report! Without my phone, where I keep track of all this info, I'll have to do it from memory. But that won't be difficult.

My start weight on Jan 3 was        220.0

My last weigh in on Jan 17 was     214.2

TODAY, Jan 24 it issss.........         210.4!!

According to my killer math skills... That's 3.8 down for the week and 9.6 down from my start weight.

Now, some people (myself included) may feel this is kind of fast... But I don't necessarily think it's unhealthy. I think I probably had some water weight to shed, and the rest is the result of small meals, spaced out the entire day. Approximately every 2 hours (occasionally more like 3-4) and never exceeding 450 calories each. I'm literally almost never hungry. And I'm always guzzling tons of water. My calories each day are always at least 1200 and I prefer to be at 1350, or I start feeling kinda blah.

While I'm not interested in lectures, because I tend to get a little defensive (character flaw, sorry), I am interested in some opinions... I am probably, maybe going to post it on the forum for opinion also, but.... It's 1350cals/day too low? Should I be eating more? Is a 3.8lb loss in a week a sign I'm not eating enough or just a super awesome result of healthy, mindful eating? Health is important to me, and while I never feel like I'm starving or being deprived, I also don't want to unknowingly do damage to my body. So please, constructive criticism, if you don't mind. Thank you (:

I don't have much else to say this morning. The day is still young (and phone-less). I see a lot of reading from my I/O Psych, Clinical Psych, and Stats book in my very near future. Probably tonight. Along with some butt-kicking elliptical time and a little laundry. Don't everyone be too jealous of all the fun I'm going to be having!! (;

I want every single one of you to have the best days you can!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 20 - Hot, sweaty, and kinda anxious...

Hello everyone!

I haven't updated for a couple days. I didn't stop for any reason in particular... Just nothing special to really note. I worked all week. I stayed at or below my calories for all 3 days and 2 of the 3 days I did some kind of exercise. Not a ton of exercise, mind you. But anything is better than nothing!

I feel like I have a bunch of things I wanna talk about! Let's see if I can organize them into coherent thoughts...

For you calorie counters out there... I have fallen head over heels for an app I have had forever and only just recently started using. It's called "Lose It!" I have an iPhone, so I know it's available for the Apple devices, Android I'm not so sure. But it's definitely worth a look! At first, it seems like a run-of-the-mill food logger. However, it has so many features I just adore.

First, you can set up a weight loss program. So I put in my sex, age, weight, height, and my goal weight. Then it asked me how much  I want to lose per week. Then it calculates an estimated goal completion date based on all the info. It gives you the number of calories you should eat per day to achieve your goal.

Next, it keeps track of your calories every day, shows you where you are in reference to your daily calories goals with a little bar graph. I'm going to attach a screen shot, since it's sooo cool and all.

The thing I love, is the ease it makes logging food. If you are eating fresh foods, then obviously you just search for the food in their HUGE database and enter how much of the food you ate. But! If you are eating ANYTHING with a barcode, all you do is scan the bar code and it instantly recognizes the food, as well as the entire nutritional info and how much is in each serving. It makes logging in a meal as easy as taking a picture of a bar code. Pretty much amazing.

You can also input exercise and it keeps track of that in your daily food log as well.

For those of you interested in things other than calories, it keeps and daily tally and weekly average of all your nutrients. I like to watch my fiber, carbs and sodium as well.

And of course, a fitness app isn't complete without a weight tracker. You can track your weight as often as you like and it plots it on a line graph for you. Which I also love.

OMG INSERTING PHOTOS IS ENTIRELY TOO HEAD-ACHY!

Now... I apologize for the crappy quality. But I saved them as gif's and this is what I got. I just wanted to share my awesome APP with all of you. I really do love it.

.

Now... back to talking about things. I also dusted off the ol' elliptical today. I know, I haven't mentioned it. I have a home-elliptical in the corner of my living room that I hadn't used in months. It's a shame, I know. And for a long time, including just recently, it has made me feel worthless and lazy when I looked at it. So tonight I decided to do something about that! And I hopped on it. For exactly 16 minutes. That was about all I could do. It was on medium intensity. But it certainly worked me out. According to my app and the elliptical I burnt around 230 calories in 16 minutes. That makes me really happy. I'm sweating up a storm right now, too.

I never use exercise as an excuse to eat more though. That's one thing I don't like about this app. I think I want to stay under 1500 (usually more like 1350) AND exercise. It doesn't make sense to me to eat more because I've exercised. Then, what's the point?

Tomorrow is my weigh day and I am SO anxious. I try not to get so excited... on the chance I don't change or god forbid GAIN! But I wanna see those numbers go doooown! Hopefully tomorrow is the day for that! (:

Also, and  it may be in my head, my work clothes are starting to feel just a teeny-tiny bit looser. It could be in my head, but either way it's very encouraging and makes me wanna keep going.

I'm a little more scattered brained than I originally thought. I can't think of a single thing I wanted to talk about. Geez... Brain fart. Oh well. I'll think of it later and I'll definitely include it tomorrow with my weigh in. Which I'm hoping *fingers crossed* will be down. 2 pounds would be incredible.

OH! I remember... This is what happens when I get bored, and thinking about my weight, and have access to Excel. Observe:

Oh geez. It's tiny. Click on it. I think that remedies the problem.

I don't know if I'm setting myself up to fail, or if this is a good, goal setting, motivational tool. But... but enjoyed making it. And it's pretty sweet, IMHO. (;

Okay. I'm done for the night. Time for a shower and a little How I Met Your Mother on Netflix!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 17 - And Without Further Ado...

Hello everyone!

As promised, I will be attaching all sorts of photos to this post (some awesome, some NOT). I have to control myself a little bit though. Going back through all my pictures, I ended up with like 16 I wanted to post. Which is just crazy. But I'll post enough to let you see how insane my weight has fluctuated the past 4-5 years.

But I'm going to talk first!

I only work Fri, Sat, Sun, Mon every week because of classes. But they are always long shifts (9-10 hours) and by the end of the day I am usually freakin beat. Today I worked early. I'm kind of the designated opener in my little corner of the store. Which suits me, because even though I'm not much of a morning person, I love having my evenings to myself. I also find I can control my eating habits better if I am up early.

The past few days have been really great on the nutrition front. I have been eating a lot of Healthy Choice and Lean Cuisine meals.  Most of the time I pick ones that are lower in calories, then add things like veggies or fruit or low-fat dairy to them. They aren't very satisfying alone usually, but I can tack on some healthy sides and I'm good to go. Snacking has been minimal, and when I DO snack, it's always something like apples or almonds or a 100 cal pack. OH! And string cheese. Low fat, of course. But YUM.

I'm also a crazy dancing machine. Yesterday I spent another hour playing Just Dance 2 in my living room. I even drug bf off the couch to dance a few duets with me. haha It's really fun, and you definitely feel the burn after a while, especially if you really try to match what the person on the screen is doing. I was doing all kinds of arm motions and kicks and squats and hops. There's a mode in the game called "Just Sweat" where it keeps track of your songs and how much you moved around, then awards you "sweat points" at the end. According to the game's manufacturer, for every 4.2 sweat points, you burn 1 calorie. Naturally, this is an estimate and would vary enormously between people... But I earned like 2,500 of these "sweat points" which would supposedly equal like 595calories. Not sure I buy that. But I could believe 300, maybe? Not a bad workout, considering it's a super fun video game. Also, I look ridiculous playing it. (:

Alright... Enough chit-chatting. Let's see if I can master this photo stuff... I'll be adding then in chronological order, starting around age 18. Ok go! Also, it appears you can click on these to make them bigger... A few of them are really small?

Me, 18

Also about 18. This was my little sister's Halloween Costume. She's 6 years younger than me. I was just goofing off.

I think I was 19 in this one. NOT the most attractive. We were on vacation and I'd just woken up. But still on the slimmer side.

Definitely 19 here. Off taking pictures somewhere. I don't have a ton of full body shots. I had gained a little weight between the last picture and this one.

20 here. Putting on more weight, slowly.

Me at work... Laaaame. This is only 3 months later, but there's a pretty big weight difference!

Me, 20 still, another "picture taking" picture.

This was a little less than a year ago. When I first moved into my apartment. This is on here for good measure, to make sure you can all see how chunky I got. haha But not for much longer!

There's also almost an entire year unaccounted for... But I just stopped liking my picture taken. Sooo... ya know.

I was once a normal weight, and I will be there again! Enjoy, everyone!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 15 - I'm all sweaty!

I finally did it. I decided to toss in a little exercise to my day-to-day. I was really worried I would try to do too much at once, which is why I was waiting to add in exercise. I know it SOUNDS like an excuse, but I really don't think it is. I just didn't want to overwhelm myself, panic, and quit.

So it isn't much, but I went and bought Just Dance 2 for my wii. I know there's Just Dance 3, but I liked the songs on 2 more. I just finished playing for probably an hour. It was two soild 30 minute stints. I would have probably played more, but my video-game geek came out while I was doing it and I decided to play the same songs over and over to get the best score, all the while driving bf completely insane. haha Sooo I gave him a break and quit after an hour.

It doesn't SOUND like it'd be much of a work out, but it is! My arms and calves were definitely burning and I am all sweaty! But it feels good. I googled around, and apparently you burn about 190 calories per 30 minutes of dancing with this game, which suggests I just burned around 380 calories. I call shenanigans. Does anyone know if there's any truth to that?

Also, intake was pretty much amazing today. No cheating. All on plan. I'm a happy camper. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I'm feeling really good about this, this time around.

So tomorrow is my suuuuuper long class day. Class from 9am - 9pm with a couple short (45 mins - 1 hour) breaks in between. I hate Thursdays. But it must be done. I won't probably post tomorrow unless I have something mind blowing to say. Like I wake up a size 4. Or something equally ridiculous. (:

And in my next post I think I'm going to bombard you all with photos. I was searching for the perfect *before* picture for when I hit goal. (Yes, I'm a planner... Just wishfully thinking ahead) I came across a TON of old pictures. Some of me at my heaviest. Some of me at my thinnest. It's pretty crazy. So I felt like scaringsharing those with you. Hooray!

I'm going to go catch up on Grey's Anatomy and the Office, since I always miss then on Thursdays and those are my SHOWS! Sadface.

I hope you're all doing amazing!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 14 - Offically two weeks in AND my weigh in day!!!!

Okay... All I can say right now is since around 7:30 when I got up and weighed myself, I could not WAIT to get on here and tell everyone the awesome news. But, a fun story first!

So last night I talked bf into going grocery shopping with me. And while we were walking around the store, I was telling him about how I wanted to skip the junk and buy more healthy foods. And without any prodding or persuasion AT ALL he said he had noticed how differently I'd been eating and he wanted to join me. He wants to lose around 25 pounds. No where near how much I want to lose, but I absolutely LOVE that he wants to join me in this lifestyle change and I'm so excited he's taking an interest in his weight and health 100% on his own. So, I officially have a live-in diet partner! (:

We bought all sorts of fruits and veggies and did some healthy meal planning. We are going to incorporate more fish into our diet, less starches, and we are going to reduce our sodium. And of course lots more raw/steamed veggies. He's more interested in the sodium reduction while I'm more concerned about calories, bad fats, and sugars. But we are totally on the same page and I LOVE it!

After shopping and enjoying a healthy dinner, we were chatting on the couch and the mention of weight came up. I told him I hadn't weighed myself in two weeks and I was really excited to see how much it'd changed. And that if it didn't change... I refused to be upset and let it deter me. So he asked me what I started at, and of course I told me. (We are way past being embarrassed about things like that...) So he decided to go weigh himself, and I went with him.

Then he tried getting me on the scale. I am a stickler about weighing at approximately the same time, on the same day, so I was adamantly against it. He said he really wanted to see, because he felt he'd be more motivated to try if he knew it made a difference. So I told him I'd step on the scale and wouldn't look if he promised not to tell me. And that was the agreement.

And the it drove me almost completely insane the entire night that he knew what I weighed, after 2 weeks of (almost) perfect behavior. But I didn't cave, and this morning I finally got to see how my hard work has paid off... Now, I don't mean to build this up or anything. It's not like I'm halfway to my goal in 2 weeks or anything insane like that. But! And loss makes me happy (:

So...

SW as of 01/06/2011: 220

CW as of today at 7:30am : 214.2

A loss of 5.8 pounds in two weeks! I'm ecstatic. I don't care if it's water weight or real weight or if it's because I peed before I weighed... haha ew... I'm very excited and this has just fueled my drive and motivation. (: *does a little chair dance*

Now I can start weighing in regularly. Every Tuesday morning.

And if I don't see that big of a difference every time... So what? I'm a healthier person, regardless.

Now, I have to focus on some school work due on Thursday. I hope everyone has as wonderful a day as I know I'm going to have... And if you aren't, then just keep on going because tomorrow will be better!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 12 - I'm having a carb attack!

I seriously want a giant bowl of fettuccine alfredo soooo bad right now. Like, I'm starting to wonder if the urge will ever go away. On a normal day, I would swing by Fazoli's on the way home from work and satisfy my craving. But today, I drove right past and straight home. And now I have to find something in the fridge that sounds even remotely tasty compared to a big bowl of pasta.

): blaah

I ate well today tho, I think. Another stupid Starbucks Double Shot Mocha engery drink thing for breakfast because I keep forgetting to get my coffee ready the night before and I didn't have much extra time this morning. Sooo 200 there. And then a 6 inch wheat with turkey from subway. No cheese or dressing. And some steamed veggies and a yummy blueberry Greek yogurt. Lunch was like... 525. A little higher than normal, but whatever.

I wanna eat around 700 before the day is over. I suppose if I really wanted that pasta, I could probably make it work. But pasta is sooo heavy and I'm too in love with my before bed snacks like my sugar free pudding or my cocoa dusted almonds to give them up.

I'm not going to lie, I'm so excited to weigh myself on Tuesday. That will mark exactly 2 weeks since I began this exciting journey. I shouldn't get my hopes up, in case I don't see much of a change... but I'm looking forward to it none the less. And if I don't lose, well then I'm going to keep on going. Because maybe I will the next week.

Okay, I'm famished. I'm going to go make myself some dinner and then chill on the couch with Leo and watch something on TV. He laid across my hands as I typed three times. I think he's trying to tell me he needs some attention. He's a little purr-machine too. Here... I'll attach a photo of the number 1 man in my life ( besides the bf, I guess!) He's sucha stud muffin. :-p

I will see you all soon!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 11 - So this is weird...

So this is a kind of strange phenomenon I've been experiencing recently. Even when I eat very successfully through out the day, I still sometimes feel like I've messed up or failed in some way... Today in particular.

I had a terrible breakfast because I was running very, very late to work this morning. So, instead of making myself even more late and fixing my usual toast and coffee, I decided to buy one of those coffee energy drinks once I got to work. I know those are terrible for you, and are basically cancer and caffeine in a can, but I have to have my caffeine in the morning. So it was that or nothing. The Starbuck's Double Shot Mocha blah blah blah whatever was 200 calories for the can. Not too bad, considering the situation.

I drink gobs of water throughout the day and at lunch I had water, a 90-cal low fat cottage cheese cup, some steamed veggies and a Lean Cuisine beef and peppers meal. All together I figured it up to be around 380 calories. Now, that's ONLY 580 for the day. But when I got home, even though I was very well behaved all day and stayed very strictly to my diet, I felt bad. Like I failed at something and I should be disappointed in myself. I don't know what the heck is wrong with me... but I didn't let it derail me.

Dinner was a turkey sandwich on low cal whole wheat bread, lettuce, tomato, onion, dijon mustard and a tiny bit of co-jack cheese and a small shredded lettuce salad with no cal ranch dressing. And then a bowl of grapes and strawberries with some Reddi-Whip Lite Whipped Cream. I hate fruit. I'm more of a veggie kinda girl so anything to make the fruits more tolerable. All together that's still only like 550. And I'm pretty much done eating! I will have to have a snack or something though because 1,100 calories for the day just isn't enough. This is hard.

I still haven't worked exercise into my regime. I keep meaning to, but I stay pretty busy. I know that's an excuse. It's also really freakin' cold out right now. Another excuse, but I don't wanna go outside in 29 degree weather. Exxxxcuuuussseeesss.

What I really want to do is buy some exercise videos and do them when bf isn't in the apt. Hahah I don't think he'd laugh or really say anything, I'd just prefer it that way. (:

Here's my awesome attempt to incorporate fruit into my diet. It's fat free whipped topping! Only 15 calories a serving! haha And there are strawberries buried under there.

Oookay! I'm going to vegetate in front of the TV for a while now before bed. I had to work long shifts all weekend and I'm going to enjoy the peace and quiet tonight. Might just pop myself some popcorn too. (: I have minibags. Not for their healthier benefits but because we have a tiny, apartment sized microwave and normal bags don't fit! haha

I'll talk to all you guys soon!

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 7 & 8 - This is a two-fer!

(January 10, 2011 - Had some computer issues yesterday and it wouldn't post)

Today is the first day of classes. But the stress really hit two days ago. My schedule isn't ideal, but that's what you get for being a first semester senior supporting herself through college, I suppose. Re-realizing I only have one *real* day off a week is such a drag, but this semester it's just hitting me so hard. I work 9-10 hours a day, 4 days a week then spend 8 hours a day, 2 days a week on campus. I need more time than that! But I'll adjust. I'm just proud I'm not looking for solace in the bottom of a bag of Reese's... or some other delicious treat. Because ordinarily, that's exactly what I'd be doing.

Besides my horrible schedule, life isn't all that bad.

I nixed the food log page. It wasn't exactly what I wanted, and honestly I find food logging exhausting. If I think I'm having trouble keeping to my daily calorie limit I'll go back to it, but if I can avoid it, I'm definitely going to!

I just deleted half my post because I was being a rambling idiot...

To paraphrase: I do not drink pop, ever. I love water, coffee, hot tea, and occasionally juices when I'm feeling crazy. I need to learn how to not eat things that are fried, ever. And to somehow end my constant desire for chocolate or ice cream. I'm not a salty lover as much as I am a sweet lover. And finding healthy replacements for those things is so hard.

I've been eating sugar free dark chocolate pudding when I want something sweet, but honesty... it's not the same. I've been good though. Only one square of dark chocolate a few days ago and a single pack of FunDip I got in my Christmas stocking from M. All the Christmas candy laying around has been torture. Especially the Chocolate Orange with my name all over it. But, I know if I break it and open it, I will likely not stop. And it's just not worth the temporary satisfaction.

Time for me to start focusing on something school related. It's also that wonderful *time of the month* and I just feel icky. I'm not going to weigh this week. Honestly, I'm afraid I'm bloated and I'll be super disappointed by the number. January 17 will be my first weigh-in since I've started. Then on every Tuesday, anytime between 7-8am, I will weigh myself.

We are also having people over to the apartment tonight for a game night. Everyone will be drinking, so I will naturally have to drink a little. I'm planning to go light on lunch and dinner and then have a couple glasses of wine, which is fine with me because I'm a card-carrying wino anyway. Dry, red wine seems to be the alcohol with the lowest calories per oz. If anyone knows anything different, please feel free to let me know!

Here’s to hard work and determination,

-E

(January 11, 2011)

This will be a short post. Yesterday didn't pan out quite as well as it could have, but you only start a horrible semester you are dreading twice a year, and that's a reason for celebration. Right? Right.

We ended up going to the casino and sitting at the bar for a few hours, then coming home for more drinks and drunk board games. So my alcohol consumption was outrageous. But, it was a lot of fun and I ate really healthily, otherwise. And I've been doing really well for a whole week. Annnnd I'm on track today, so it didn't derail me. We all need breaks. And mine was most definitely yesterday.

And that's all. I'm basically 100% immune to hangovers, but I'm old and tired and I'm going to be lazy (but healthy) for the rest of the day.

Day 4 - I'm Slowly Getting The Hang of this Blog

So I haven't been able to dedicate as much time to learning my way around this blog as I normally would when I start something. But I'm slowly figuring it out, I think.

Today was good and bad at the same time. If my new "Food Logs" page worked the way I expected it to, you should be able to go and look at what I ate today. It was good in that I had ZERO cheating and bad because I barely broke 1,000 calories. That's completely unacceptable, in my opinion. I'm not going to be one of those people who starve themselves. But I have trouble finding that happen 1,500 calories medium. I'm going to buy some 100 calorie packs to keep in my purse along with my emergency apple and almonds. (:

I had a very delicious baked potato with a little bit of cheese, salad, and no cal dressing on top for dinner. Ever since we came across this little restaurant that makes baked potatoes with absolutely anything you could ever think of on top, we have been imitating it at home. I like veggies. Bf likes meat and cheese. He's such a boy.

Speaking of bf, I think I'll call him M. While I very clearly state in my about me that I'm single, I do have a boy. It's just we've been together for almost 5 years and since we aren't married, I am technically single. Or unmarried. Whatever. We moved in together about a year ago. We moved like 2 hours from home, into a tiny apartment, to go to school. He's absolutely fabulous, minus the whole... still hasn't popped the question thing. But we will get there eventually. I need a year to get all thin and sexy anyway. :-p

I am going to explore this blog design thing a little bit more and go read some forums. I'm still sort of in, creep around the forums mode, because I'm new and still getting my footing. But soon I'll stop creeping and start participating! This had kept me so on track at night, my WORST snacking time.

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Also, after looking around at some of your blogs, I've decided to follow suit and include a current photo. My "before" picture someday! This was Thanksgiving 2011. I'd say I was right at 220.

Day 3 - I had an "ah-ha" moment today

So something occurred to me today. I don't write a 25 page research paper by just sitting down and typing. And I would never go on vacation without first (almost painstakingly) planning. So why would I ever think I could completely overhaul the way I think about food and eating without first having a carefully thought out plan? A set course of action. Small, tiny steps for my day-to-day.

And then I discovered how much easier and considerably less intimidating dieting is when I make a plan. If I just wander aimlessly through the day without any preemptive thoughts for my meals, I'll likely make poor, unprepared decisions.

So I've decided, until I get better at managing my meals, I'll stick to somewhat boring meal guidelines. These consist of coffee in the morning with a little bit of sugar (something I'm really not ready to part with) and skim milk. Two pieces of whole wheat toast. I found whole wheat bread with only 35 calories per slice, which I found amazing. And sugar-free, fiber enriched strawberry preserves. This will be my breakfast for a while. I've never been a good breakfast eater, but I hear it's a good idea.

I've also found a calorie-free, sugar-free, carb-free honey mustard salad dressing. And it's actually pretty tasty for a diet dressing. There were other types like thousand island and ranch, but I'm partial to honey mustard. Now, given it has basically nothing in it, I can only assume it's just a bottle of cancer. But, eliminating artificial sweeteners is a bridge I'm not prepared to cross just yet. So for now, my lunch salads with chopped up sliced turkey and zero-everything dressing will have to do, cancer or no cancer.

Dinner is a little more difficult because I'm eating with my boyfriend almost every night. He's not at all interested in dieting the way I am. So I just have to make good decisions. Last night after work we went to Logan's Steakhouse. It was soooo tempting to order something terrible for me and eat the whole basket of dinner rolls. But I didn't. I had one dinner roll (which was still probably a mistake), a house salad with lite dressing on the side, a small sirloin and a sweet potato in lieu of the normal baked potato. A healthier choice, I hear.

Also, I haven't chosen an official weigh-day. With classes starting this week, I just have to see when I can be most consistent. But this morning I weighed myself to establish a starting weight.

Start Weight: 220.0

Goal Weight: 150.0

Pounds to Lose: 70

That is a seemingly huge number. I'm not much for trying to stick to very specific weight goals by specific dates, because I think that can be very discouraging. However, I did figure up if I lose 1.5pounds per week, for almost exactly 12 months, I'll reach my goal weight. Nice and slow and steady and hopefully forever.

I'm also not sure I will be 100% satisfied at 150, though right now it sounds absolutely perfect. And I will tentatively change my final goal as time progresses.

I feel very positively about this. I've done really well the past two days. And I can say that with a completely clear conscience, even if I just ate a piece of dark chocolate 15 minutes ago. And that's because I ate ONE piece and I was happy. Not half the bag. (:

I hope anyone reading this is also having luck and feeling positive about their choices! And if not, then I say just keep trying. Mistakes are nothing to worry about as long as you are taking care to avoid making them again.

This post was sort of ramble-y. But I'm still getting my footing!

Here’s to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 1: Admitting I have a problem

I’m going to skip the traditional introductions here and just jump right in. If you’re interested in learning a bit about me, I suggest the aptly titled “A little about me” tab at the top of this page.  (:

It seems to me my weight fluctuates in extremes. At my lowest adult weight, I was around 162. At my highest, 235. I’m 5′6 and have been since I was 18. According to that wonderful BMI chart, I have never been a healthy weight. And while I make no habits of doubting the great minds that designed it, I’m not sure I believe I should ever weigh only 114 pounds. But as I type this, I wonder if that’s not just another excuse.

My ultimate goal is to weigh around 150 pounds. I haven’t weighed myself in several weeks, so I’m not sure exactly how much I have to lose. But I do know it’s quite a bit and will take me a while. Starting tomorrow, or in a few days, I will begin weighing myself weekly. I just have to set a day of the week and time of day I can commit to.

I love lists, and feel most productive when I’m making them and adhering to them. This is a collection of reasons why I want to lose weight (including, but not limited to… I’m sure I’ll leave something out).

- I would like to avoid all the nasty diseases I will inevitably inherit if I remain unhealthy and overweight. These include diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer. Cancer may not be directly linked to obesity, but it runs rampant in my family, and the healthier I am, the better chances I feel I’ll have to avoid it.

- I want more energy. It really pains me to admit I’m 22 years old and I feel like an 80 year old woman sometimes.

- I want to see if losing weight has any effect on my asthma. At 19 I was diagnosed with adult-onset asthma. A complete shock to me. I would love to minimize my symptoms, if at all possible.

- I want to improve my upper gi health. I’ve been on acid reflux medication for several years and the only times I remember not needing it is when I weighed less.

- I want to be lean, fit, and flexible. I want to appear strong, not marshmallowy.

Now for the less noble, but equally important reasons…

- I have noticed I have two “go-to” pairs of jeans. There’s no two ways about it… they are my fat jeans. I want to be able to comfortably and confidently wear ALL the jeans in my closet, even the tight ones.

- I want to shop where ever I want. I don’t care if it sounds shallow, I want to shop at the stores that stop at size 12. And I want to choose clothes based on how they look, not always how they look/fit.

- I want the first thing I assume people notice to not be my weight. I don’t want to be described as “the bigger one” anymore.

- I don’t want to avoid having my picture taken anymore

- To be able to wear shorts confidently

- To be able to wear a swim suit confidently

- To be able to feel comfortable, instead of bloated and big all the time

- To feel sexy taking a bath or sitting in a hot tub.

- So I can finally get a short haircut and not worry whether my head will look like a giant melon.

- To be able to sit with my legs crossed for long periods of time

- To be able to walk in heels for long periods of time

- So people believe I am the intelligent, capable person I know I am, and not someone who is fat and unhealthy and unable to take care of herself.

- To simply feel good about myself.

- And finally, to be able to tell people I was there once, and that they can lose the weight too. I want to be an inspiration to others.

Alright! I feel like I’ve written a book.

I’m not sure I like this layout, yet. The colors are kinda meh and I’m having issues with formatting.

I feel like this was a successful first post. My subsequent posts will be able food, weighing myself, fitness techniques I’m utilizing. This will be a place for accountability. And a place for new ideas to jump start my weight loss. I’ll see you all again very soon! Good luck, everyone.

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E