Day 187 - Where Does The Time Go?

It seems like so much has happened since I posted last. Honestly, time has just been flying by recently.

In the past 40 days, I went on vacation, started a couple summer classes, and have been working like a crazy person. Trying to make some money before classes start back up in the fall.

I have not been with my healthy/weight loss lifestyle 100% like I was in the beginning. In fact, I'm pretty sure it's fallen to a very sad 65-70%. But I'm still with it... and little by little, still losing. I don't think I'm going to reach my final goal when I originally wanted, but it doesn't matter. I'll make it. And if it takes me a whole year, well then that year wasn't wasted.

Soo... here's like 5 weeks worth of weigh-in's...

June 5th - 177.2 (-3.2)
June 12 - Vacation No Weigh In (I was on a train)
June 19 - 176.4 (-0.8)
June 26 - 177.0 (+0.6)
July 3    - 175.8 (-1.2)

As you can see, I have kinda just been bouncing around 176. Which is alright, I guess. It's what happens when you stop exercising (because it hasn't been below 103 degree in like 2 weeks) and only watch what you eat 4-5 days out of the week. I'm more or less maintaining, with a little loss in there too.

I'm realizing that one of the most important things to keep in mind during these long journeys to health is to start loving yourself now, so you'll love yourself when you get to the end. I'm so hypercritical of myself, I sometimes lose sight of the fact that I've lost almost 45 pounds since January (ok - 44.2 to be EXACT). And that is amazing!

I also really struggle with the way I look. I'm seeing changes and improvements, and that makes me happy. But I'm still just stuck at this terrible in-between point. Not as heavy as I was, but not as fit/trim/healthy as I'd like to be...

Clothes and getting dressed is a nightmare too. Nothing fits right anymore. It all just hangs off me. But I can't bring myself to buy anything new. I feel like that's giving up and resigning myself to where I am. Plus, I'm not made of money. haha So, I get depressed almost every time it's time to get pretty-ed up to go somewhere.

However, there's always good news too. I was at the store today and saw a friend of mine I haven't seen in probably months. He commented on my weight loss and told me I was looking great. He's one of the first people outside my family (and my bf of course) to compliment me. It felt awesome. And as lame as it is, it really kinda put the wind back in my sail. So I'm back with it. 100%. Giving it everything I've got. And as soon as this horrible heat lets up, I'll be back on the running trails. I can't wait!

I think when I hit my 50 pounds lost mark I'll post some body shots. I couldn't bare to post my before's until I had lost enough to tell a difference. It takes a brave person to post these kinds of pictures for the whole internet to see, so I'm still deciding if I'm one of those people. Soon though! Just gotta see the high160's for a week or two first, to know it's official.

That's all I've got... Till Tuesday!

Here's to hard work and determination,
-E

Allllsooo.... Sophie, you're the best and your post is definitely one of the bigger reasons I decided to start posting again! I miss reading your blogs and all your wonderful, supportive comments! I hope you're doing well and we can get back into the swing of things soon! (:

Day 147 - So Disappointed

Last night as I laid down to sleep, I think I knew deep down today wasn't going to be a good weigh day. And I hoped, and hoped when I stepped on the scale, since I knew it wasn't going to be a loss, that I'd see a maintain. But, today goes to show me exactly what happens when I let "Not worrying so much" transform into "Eat like I ate 4 months ago".

Last Week:              178.8
This Week:                  180.4

I gained 1.6 pounds! I wanna say I don't know how... but I do.

And I'm really, REALLY trying to reason with myself. An *actual* 1.6 pound gain means I ate like 5,600 calories over my maintenance calories. I don't know if that's even possible... So I am sitting here, trying to convince myself this is just a little hiccup, or maybe water weight, or maybe I did gain some but not ALL of that almost 2 pounds?

Calories, calories, calories...
Calorie Range: 1,200 - 1,350

Tues, May 22   1,415 (-142 from exercise) = 1,273 "net"
Wed, May 23   1,286
Thus, May 24   1,844 (visited my grandparents)  
Fri, May 25      1,180 
Sat, May 26      1,380
Sun, May 27     1,292
Mon, May 28    ???? (Went to a BBQ, then had Mexican, too many to even try to count)

As you can see... it's been a week since I last exercised. And I had 2 very high calorie days along with a couple that were a bit over my range. 

I need to light that fire inside me again. It's like I got to halfway and decided I could just coast the rest of the way there.

Well news flash! I can't! Time to get back with it. Starting TODAY. This week and next week: No more days were I just arbitrarily stop trying to count. No more excuses for why I can't exercise. And no more excessive late night snacking. This doesn't really show in my calorie counts for the day, but I snack entirely too much late at night, right before bed. So from now on... one small snack after dinner and before bed, and that's it. 

On a more positive note... I bought our train tickets to New Orleans a couple days ago. So our hotel is officially reserved and our tickets are purchased. I don't think I could be more excited. 14 days and counting! 

Sorry there wasn't much else in this one, to anyone who unfortunately happens across it. Hah!

Here's to hard work and determination (and actually listening to that advice),

-E

Day 140 - Today Just Feels Like A Good Day

Today is my day off. I'm going to do some much needed cleaning around the house today. Get a couple loads of laundry done. Then I'm going to make myself cute and the boy and I are going to go across town for a half-night out. I say half-night because I doubt we eat while we are out. But I think we might drop by the mall a bit and catch a movie.

Before I get all that started though, I wanted to post an update.

First... wwwweeeiigggghhh ddaaaayyy


Last Week:                  181.2
This Week:                  178.8

A loss of... 2.4 pounds! And it's TOM. How? HOW? I dunno, but I'm okay with it.

Calories, calories, calories...
Calorie Range: 1,200 - 1,350

Tues, May 15      1,373 (-457 from exercise) = 916 "net"
Wed, May 16       1,350
Thus, May 17     1,290 (-201 from exercise) = 1,088 "net"  
Fri, May 18        1,239 
Sat, May 19       1,265 (-181 from exercise) = 1,084 "net"
Sun, May 20      1,292
Mon, May 21      1,209 (-181 from exercise) = 1,028 "net"


So I'm really on the fence when it comes to "net" calories verses calories consumed.
Like... when it tells me I should be eating between 1,200 - 1,297 (which is my new calorie range apparently), does it mean that's how many I should EAT or how many I should be NETTING??


Obviously, by eating within that range... I lose weight, as seen from this week's calories and loss. But I don't want to be eating too little, and stall my body either. Or make my metabolism sluggish. I take a lot of precautions to make sure I'm eating every 2-3 hours. 


I didn't take a single "day off" last week. One day was a little bit higher than the others... but all were a totally acceptable number. I'm also really proud of myself for going running 4 times this week. I feel like such a badass when I look at that and see how dedicated I look. I have to keep it up.


So today I'm also taking new measurement and progress pictures. I take my measurements once a month and I have taken pictures at the beginning, on April 3, and now today. I want to make sure I have a lot of "in-between" pictures. I think those are way more motivational than the before and after. I like to see how someone got there, not just the final product. When I feel a little more comfortable showing everyone what I look like in my undies, I might post my progress pictures on here. Perhaps... Maybe... haha I'm just sort of modest and the thought of underwear pictures being on the inter webs makes me a little queasy. 


This is it for today... I wish I knew what sort of things to write about that would be interesting and useful to other people on their weightless journey, but I'm not sure if many people are actually reading this anyway...


Here's to hard work and determination,
-E

Day 135 - Accomplishments and Setbacks

So I think I mentioned I've taken up running. We are legit running. Not this sissy jogging on a treadmill in air-conditioning watching TV stuff. (Not to discredit the people out there that do exactly that... I'm just saying it's vastly different) We run on trails that wind through really pretty wooded areas. The terrain ranges from paved tracks to fairly treacherous (with roots and fallen limbs and holes and that sort of thing). It's very hilly where we run. There are also other factors to consider when arguing that running outside is more challenging than on the treadmill... Like wind resistance and the fact that you are actually propelling yourself with each stride, rather than the "ground" moving below you. I'm not ragging on anyone that runs on a treadmill... though I think it may come across that way.

We have started and stopped and restarted the Couch to 5k program a few times now. I didn't want to officially start until I was able to honestly dedicated 3 days a week to it. Which is what is recommended, I guess.

Tuesday we completed Week 1 Day 1. I think this is like the third time we have done W1D1. And overall, it wasn't bad. I'm also a little bit surprised by how out of shape I apparently am. I even cheated on a couple of the running bits. Probably chopped off, in total, about 10-15 seconds of running. Whoops.

We rested yesterday and then completed W1D2 today. Today I only cheated on the very last 60 seconds of running. It wasn't because I decided it was time to stop. Or I just gave up when it got hard. No, it was my body telling me to stop... in the form of a full-blown asthma attack. In the middle of the woods. And my inhaler offered NO support. The scariest feel in the world, that I've experienced anyway, is the feeling in the middle of an asthma attack when you just can't seem to find your breath. It doesn't matter what you do, or how much you try to calm yourself down, the breaths just aren't there. It's like running, then trying to breath through a straw. And what's even more terrifying, is you don't know when it's going to be over. And of course, your thoughts inevitably wander to, IF it will ever be over.

In case you were wondering, it did end. My inhaler, combined with a few serious relaxation techniques, ended the attack after only 10 minutes or so. But the feel of fear is almost crippling. I hate it.

But I'm not giving up. Saturday we will be back out on those trails. Completing W1D3. Because I'm not a quitter. And I'm not going to let something like asthma keep me from my goals. I'll get there with or without these stupid lungs. Haha (Okay, probably not really... but you know)

Besides all that, nothing particularly interesting has happened. Staying within my calorie range isn't all that hard anymore, most days. It took almost 5 months, but things like fast food and junk food don't even sound pleasant anymore. I still haven't kicked my sweets habit. But I know the foods that I can eat without consuming a million calories, and I know the foods that just aren't worth the temporary satisfaction. It also helps that 2 or 3 days out of the month, I choose to eat more or less what I want, and I don't count at all. That's always something to look forward to and enjoy occasionally.

If the me from 5 months ago read that previous paragraph, she would have laughed in present day me's face... and probably called her something rude. haha It feels good to know what kind of progress I've made.

I'm going to dedicate a little bit of time to articles discussing runners with asthma. There have to be others out there. Then, I'm going to make a very delicious spaghetti dinner with ground turkey meat, made from scratch sauce, and some high-fiber whole wheat pasta.

Here's to hard work and determination,
-E

Day 133 - Quickie

My life has become so much more relaxed. It happened all of a sudden. I went from seemingly moving and doing things and having to be somewhere nonstop... To pretty well total peace. I still have to goto work. But work isn't that bad when you don't have to worry about get to class every single day and fitting all the other important things (like grocery shopping or doing laundry) in around an already cram-packed work and school schedule. 


So today is wwwweeeiigggghhh ddaaaayyy. (: And I have some pretty alright news.

Last Week:                  183.0
This Week:                  181.2

A loss of... 1.8 pounds! Not quite 2... but I'll take it!

Calories, calories, calories...
Calorie Range: 1,200 - 1,350

Tues, May 8      1,292
Wed, May 9       1,428
Thus, May 10     1,238  
Fri, May 11        ?,??? 
Sat, May 12       1,225
Sun, May 13      1,278
Mon, May 14      1,283


Everyday was on track except for the day I visited home (Friday) and actually Wednesday was a little high, but I don't really count that as a real "off" day. 


Of those days listed, I exercised Tuesday (brisk 30 minute walk ~175 calories) and Wednesday (30 minutes on elliptical on moderate intensity ~ 300 calories).


I'm still really wanting to get 3 days of exercise in a week. But I feel like 2 days is definitely progress.


Today I'm making chicken quesadillas for lunch and turkey meatloaf for dinner. Yummmy (:


That's it for me today! Not much going on here, so I don't have much to say. Hope anyone who reads this is having a fantastic week. 


Here's to hard work and determination,
-E

Day 127 - Two Days In A Row. Hot Damn. AND pictures!

I'm pretty sure I've caught the death. I am all congested. I haven't been able to breath for days. My throat is sore when I wake up from my sinuses draining at night. And now I'm started to develop a really annoying cough. It isn't a productive cough, but I expect I'll be hacking up gross slimy stuff soon enough.

This is a quick post tonight. Just to keep me on the bandwagon. I'm doing laundry right now. Since we don't have a washer/dryer in the apartment I have to either lug all our laundry across the street and do all of it at once, or I can do one load at a time in our apartment building. We have one washer and dryer on the top floor, so I just go back and forth up the stairs for a few hours. haha When I say it like that, it makes a lot more sense to just go across the street, but I prefer spending the time in my apartment, not in the sticky laundromat.

PLUS! It gives me an opportunity to do other things in the mean time. Like update my blog. And hop on the elliptical, which is what I'll be doing once I switch the clothes from wash to dry. (:

We spent the day out and about. Went all the way across town and then some to this little restaurant. It's called the Tin Fish and it's a place that looks like it belongs plopped along the coast somewhere. Super yummy fish, really adorable place. I got grilled salmon and cole slaw. Very delicious. Pretty healthy too, for the most part. Avoided the fried fish and the ones smothered in butter. Then we window shopped at the mall for a few hours. And I fantasized about which outfits I will buy when I reach my goal.

I've currently forbidden myself from buying any new clothes. Because I have no intention of sticking around this weight for very long. And once it's gone, I don't want to ever see it again. (:

Before I go, I wanna post a couple pictures from our trip to St Louis.

Before we left. Nooo make up. And my living room is a little messy (:

I weighed like 182 this week, if I remember right. 

My wonderful boy and I when we got to the hotel

This is us looking gross after the Anheuser-Busch tour. It was hot in the brewery. We got free beer though, to cool off after. I'm a sucker for the dark brews. yumm

So I realize I don't have any pictures to compare... So I'll tack one on the end. It'll be a Christmas picture. Literally 2 weeks before I started this lovely journey to health. 

Christmas 2011. This is me with the three most important ladies in the world world. Mom and two little sisters. I looooove them. Also, me at around 220-225 pounds. There's a bit of a difference. 

Okay, that's all I've got. 

300 calories burnt on the elliptical since I started this post, also. Time to find something small to eat for a snack before bed... 

Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

Day 126 - Noooo Moooore Exxxcuses!

Seriously though. No more.

I'm back after an even longer hiatus. And I'm sticking with it this time! Many thing have happened since I've been here last... I feel like this will be an update on my life. Then next post, business as usual.

I weighed this morning and I was 183 even. So far I am 37 pounds lighter than I was in January.

I'll take it since I just came back from vacation in St Louis a few days ago. We went to the arch and did the typical STL sights, and then we spent the rest of the time eating and drinking. I'll post some pictures, perhaps!

I also started a new job. I'm working as a pharmacy technician now. My work is paying for all the fees associated with getting state certified. So that should be neat. It's a lot more fast paced and a little more challenging than what I was doing, but I really like it so far. Oh, and it was like a $2 per hour promotion. (;

I have also semi-taken up running. It's kind of a combination of running, jogging, walking, and dying. I've completed the C25K day 1 three times now. I can't stick with it, so when I wait a week in between runs I end up back where I started. I do see improvements, however. I can kickass on my elliptical like it's no body's business. I do 30 minutes on the high resistance like it's (almost) nothing.

School is out for the summer. I get around 4 weeks off, then we are going to New Orleans, then I am taking two summer classes for 4 weeks, then I get another week off, then Fall 12 starts. My final semester of undergrad. Bittersweet, for sure.

I am also setting a mini-goal for myself. I would like to lose 8-10 pounds before my New Orleans vacation. That would put me at around 175-173. I told M he was required to take something kinda dressy with us, because I want to spend an evening out somewhere nice and wear a pretty dress. But I wanna be in the 170's when I do it!

I'm also going to try to venture out and find more diet/weight loss/fitness bloggers out there. I know you're there. I just haven't tried looking!

Until next time...
Here's to hard work and determination,

-E

PS - Sophie I hope you still check my blog! I'm sorry I went MIA. I'm back. We can be blog buddies again! lol (;